Bill Gibron is a veteran film critic from Tampa, Florida.What does it say about a horror movie -- especially the fifth in a long considered DOA franchise -- that you simply want the storyline to stop and the inventive deaths to occur? Let's face it -- the Final Destination films have long since stopped being interesting as expressions of dread. Instead, it's the creative kills that keep us locked in. This time around, the splatter is just as spiffy, but missing is a sense of urgency, as if the series has actually caught up with the fanbase and realizes no one care about the characters. Still, first time director Steven Quale wants to get all touchy-feely with the targeted individuals and their emotional motives. All we end up caring about is the blood. After they survive a horrific bridge collapse, the so-called "Lucky Eight" of a local corporate manufacturing interest become convinced that Death itself is out to take back what it has been cheated out of. For wannabe chef Sam (Nicholas D'Agosto), his on-again, off again girlfriend Molly (Emma Bell), co-workers Peter (Miles Fisher), Candice (Ellen Wroe), Olivia (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood), Isaac (P.J. Byrne), and Nathan (Arlen Escarpeta), as well as their boss Dennis (David Koechner), it appears they are destined to die, one by one. According to a mysterious coroner named Bludworth (Tony Todd), the only way they can escape their fate is to take the life of another. As they begin to perish in more and more peculiar ways, a Federal Agent (Courtney B. Vance) tries to establish some kind of pattern. Of course, when dealing with something as diabolical as the Grim Reaper, all bets are off.
Lacking the spark and spunk of previous installments, Final Destination 5 -- supplanting the supposed finale from two years ago tagged The Final Destination -- is a so-so pseudo slasher. Taking the slice and dice dynamic and modifying it via a supernatural stalker, the results are basically the same as when Jason Voorhees gets a wild hair up his hockey mask. Each film starts with a set-piece (airplane crash, traffic accident, amusement park tragedy, NASCAR pile-up) and the near flawless treatment of the suspension bridge collapse prepares us for something special. But then the script, by Eric Heisserer (A Nightmare on Elm Street remake, the upcoming Thing prequel), keeps trying to get us to care, to worry if Sam and Molly will get back together or if Peter will ever get over the death of his beloved...and nothing hinders suspense more than meaningless melodrama.
Luckily, the killings here are top notch. They do the typical Destination thing -- making us believe one item will do the deadly deed (a random screw, an eye surgeon's laser) before changing up and going all Rube Goldberg on our expectations. Brains fly. Guts explode. Heads are crushed, and torsos are eviscerated. By the time we get to the twist ending (and it's a good one), we've once again experienced a madman's imagination's worth of wounds. Quale's lack of experience can't undermine the fun,. Even the unnecessary 3D fails to put a damper on our brazen cinematic bloodlust.
Since it delivers what we expect in the manner in which we expect it, Final Destination 5 succeeds. It's no classic, and one can easily see the studio continuing to milk this material as long as there are screenwriters capable of concocting crazier and crazier deaths. A word to the wise -- next time, nix all the unnecessary character development and personal backstory. We fans just want to see gore...and when we get it, the flaws in Final Destination 5 are all but forgotten.
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